Nov 25 2008
Now ‘days, best thing to do is…
…keep quiet and — whatever happens, whatever you do — don’t write nothin’ down — at all. Not now n’ more! See, most people can’t or won’t or (maybe this makes the most sense) are unspeakably terrified of reading — reading anything — because well — see: well, because, since THEY came – things have changed – so nobody knows what anybody means — er no. It’s like, anybody crazy enough to read sump’n, that nobody dunno if the write-down-things person really means it, what they wrote, or if that same some-person’s been a’told what to think about and how to correctly spend their allotment a’thinkin’ time on’t — and ’special: how to say it just a sartin way so THEY will be total pleased. You’ll find out …if ya hain’t ‘ready.
Best thing ya gotta do is accept the way things are now and take the supplements regular and be sensible — try to make it, if you’re one of the… — what was that?!?! — thought I heard something out back, at my cyport — nah, tz’ okay, or my gidog woulda… I hope you people understand the stupit useless risk I’m takin’ here, you un… — it would serve ya right if those filthy… Best thing ya gotta do is accept the things I’m tellin’ ya. And I know what I’m sayin’, too! Take the supplements regular. and truly, truly, like THEM as much as you can. I remember what it was like to be like you are right now — before THEY took Anna — little Anna. She had a little way, she did, I remember what it felt like to have her want to hold my hand, so soft — and she did that when it started… she used to love watching THEM land, holding me by the hand and talkin ’bout whatever she wanted to — and loved all THEIR fancy colors, somethin that made ‘em land right, I guess — she was smart too! an’ so pretty — an’ all the people there ‘long with us were smilin’ — either t’was to see THEM or see her smilin’ up at ‘em… comin’ down. She dint know — none of us did, then. Sometimes I think if I never get to just — just for three minutes — just see Anna again for…
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Last night I dreamed again. Do you remember dreams? It felt like I was alive as my own self — like before. I dint dream of her, but it was plenty nice — I think Anna would’a have been proud’a me; I haven’t taken the supplements now for a double time-tell. There’s something has to be done — I saw it in the tail end of the dream last night. It sure was clear; and the colors! you should’a seen the colors in it all. I woke up still smilin’.
But now I’m doin’ this and it’s really hard ’cause I felt so good sleeping since I don’t know how long and I see because of sleepin’ and dreamin’ that sleep is only real if I do something — something I’ve gotta do — while I’m awake. Thinkin’ bout colors for a whole time-tell makes me hate myself bad — feel like Anna wunt no aways be proud. Or …or want me to touch her hand. And I can’t stand that thought. Sometimes thinkin, again, ain’t no good at all.
One of THEM came to look around in our … my house not long back. Then there was a message from another one of THEM came in to him from those sticks they carry. I saw the facial expression changing like something was gonna strangle him and, before I knew it, he ran on out of there — like he was crazy — yelling and yelling crazy too. And on the door his weapons belt hit just hard enough to knock loose, from his belt, the punishment machine that disappears things, and people — like onto how they did to my pretty Anna — and he was so crazy he dint know it fell right there on my stone floor.
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It fell — but it works fine. Anna would be proud’a me for learnin’ so much ’bout using it too — t’s how I am writin’ this down for you. There are so many things to learn about it, seems to have no limits if you know how to do it right. I have disappeared one of THEM just this morning, but I did it in just a way so I could take his punishment machine. Now I have two. But since I hit one of THEM a good punch in her filthy hideous face — it was the same one that took… Well, after that they took off one of my arms and burnt it in front of me. So I have two of THEIR unlimited powerful machines, but only one arm, you see? That’s why I am writin’ this down to you. Oh, I got myself hid good. But you know the place where we all used to gather up on Sundays? I left a note writ down on the altar, in the old talk, it’s under the surface of where the Book was on — THEY can’t read it — that talk’s too old, it won’t happen they can read it — but me and my gidog are right up by where the big bell still is. We’re here now. And, like I say, I only got one arm. Now ‘days, best thing to do is… I think …is earn some of our sleep. And hope for dreams to come on back. With lots and lots of colors, too, maybe; do you think?
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